Without You
by ShibbySpunkyChick
Summary: I can't stop loving you, so don't even ask me to try RLGW
1. Standing Alone

A.N.: Yes, this is a Ginny/Remus fic, inspired by many authors who wrote this ship before me- Cinnamon, Pidgie, Aeryn Alexander to name a few- and if this doesn't appeal to you then DON'T READ!!!!! My first HP fic, so let's hope this goes well.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does so don't try to sue me, I have no money and I just said I don't own it so ha!  
  
Chapter 1: Standing Alone  
  
Without you the world is a dark cruel place to live. You were my safe haven, anchoring me in this whirlwind. Did you know I'm lying on the floor, sobbing and not knowing how to stop? Of course you don't, because you just walked out on me, on us, and I heard your footsteps fade away. I saw you turn the knob and watched the door click in agonizing slowness. Which leads to my current condition- I collapsed the instant you closed that door.  
  
You say that there are too many problems standing in our way, that it's impossible for us to be together. I don't believe you. What you see as impenetrable walls I see as bumps in the road. I think- no, I know- that we can make it. We can make it because I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything, and I know you feel the same way about me. I saw it in your eyes, and eyes are windows to the soul, and the soul never lies.  
  
Our love is so huge, so amazingly powerful that it scares the crap out of the both of us. But I embrace it, because I know that there's nothing as good and beautiful as it, while you're too afraid to believe in me. Without you I can't hold onto that love, it deserts me and I'm left standing all alone.  
  
You claim that being a werewolf is too dangerous. I know that this is a load of bull but you insist. I know what you become every full moon, and I still love you. I could care less if you think you're a monster, because to me you're my sweet kind Remus, the man that I would give everything for. Being a werewolf is hard, I realize, but loving me should ease your burden. If only you would let me help you. But you push me away.  
  
Without you I don't know what to do. I've stopped crying, by the way, but I'm aching so badly that I feel like I'm going to fall apart. I'm making my way to what was once our bed, and lay down and wrap up in a million blankets. They don't even begin to produce the warmth that I feel when I'm in your arms. The apartment seems eerily empty, and I know it won't be the same for a long time.  
  
You swear that you don't love me, that what we have was a lie. You looked me in the eye and said this. I know better though. I know you love me, and although you can school you expression very well, I'm not convinced. It's all an act that you won't admit to playing. You insist that it would be better for me to love another man, perhaps somebody like Harry whose closer to my age. They don't know me the way you do, and could never love me the way you do.  
  
I don't know how to bring you back, and where to even start. I'll try to go to sleep, but I know I won't be able to. You'll haunt my dreams and be on the edge of my thoughts. I can't stop loving you, so don't even ask me to try.  
  
A.N. Let me know what you think by hitting the little review button at the bottom of the screen. I would love to know what you think! 


	2. Leaving You Behind

AN: I have decided to add Remus' POV on, but I think that's all this going to end up being. Since Ginny had her turn, why not give Remus his own? Thanks go out to all my reviewers, who are responsible for bringing this part of my story to life. As we say in Spanish class, muchas gracias!  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own HP, JK does, lucky her..  
  
Chapter 2: Leaving You Behind  
  
The moment I left, I felt your heart break into pieces, and it nearly killed me. Our auras are so closely linked, that I can feel almost anything that you feel, just as you can read me so effortlessly. It took all the strength I have to walk away, to not rush back into that room and beg you to forgive me. I had to continuously tell me that I was saving you, and that your safety meant more to me than loving and staying with you before something terrible happened to you, my fiery little one.  
  
You always hated me calling you that, my little one. It reminded you of growing up the baby out of six older brothers. You wanted to be recognized as your own person, not just another redhead in your family. But what you didn't realize at the time was that you were different from the rest of your relations, at least to me. Your hair's a slightly different shade of red, darker and richer than your brothers' bright almost- orange hair. Your eyes are brighter than anybody else's, and your smile and laugh more beautiful and musical.  
  
You were the first woman to ever love me for who I was. It still amazes me that after knowing my curse, being a werewolf, that you can look me in the eye and tell me you love me. You know the baggage I carry, how my life took a spiral down when Lily and James died. How I wished I'd believed in Sirius more, raged at myself for not knowing the traitor that Peter was, how I wanted to help Harry so badly when I couldn't even help myself. You understand how it feels to be the last Maruader standing, the last true one, since Peter is no longer one of us. He had forsaken that choice the moment he betrayed us.  
  
I held you when the war began and you watched people you'd known practically known your entire life die. I soothed your tears when your family was hurt, when Harry almost sacrificed his life to bring Voldemort's end. You didn't know what war truly was, but I did. I had done that all before, and my personal mission was to love you, to protect you and to teach you how to deal with the repercussions that always come.  
  
Loving me is a dangerous choice, but you chose it anyway. I've looked in your eyes a million times, and the only time I ever saw them upset was today, the day I closed the door on you. You see, Harry brought me to my senses, even if he didn't mean for it to come out the way it did. He was talking about how he was happy for us, that he could cope with the fact that at least I was the person that beat him to your heart. Then he said something that stopped me dead in my tracks. He said how it was a good thing you and I had figured out how to deal with my lycanthropy. Harry had looked at me quickly and apologized for saying it so bluntly, but that he had at first been worried about your safety, if something went wrong.  
  
All the fears I had carefully suppressed during the war came back, and with a vengeance. My worries of how our age difference could smother your choices. You are so young, and with your entire life ahead of you. Being with me means giving up those experiences of dating around, experimenting with what you like and don't like. My fear of hurting you when I turn into a werewolf came back. How can we be so sure I won't hurt you? The Wolfsbane Potion could be made poorly, and I won't be tame at all during the full moon. I couldn't bear the thought of biting you, of giving you my curse.  
  
So I walked slowly back to our home, taking the long way home for once. I contemplated what to do, what would be best for you. Then it came to me, a painful thought that I tried to push into the back of my mind, trying to forget, trying to come up with a better solution. But I slowly realized that there was no better choice; I had to leave you. I had to let you go, allow you to live your life fully, to be safer out there than you would ever be with me. And although it kills me to let you go, it was for your own protection and having you alive and well is all that matters to me, even if it does mean leaving you behind.  
  
I walked into our home, and you came out of the kitchen and hugged me, just like it was any other day. I knew better. I gently put your arms down, and you stare up at me with those gorgeous eyes of yours, full of confusion. I explain to you what I'm about to do, and you argue with me. Your aura radiates pain, but you refuse to back down. You start shouting at me and I shout back. You beg me not to leave and I try my hardest not to crumble on the spot. I push you gently away, because I can't bear being that close to you anymore, and walk towards the door. I leave, and I hear you crying softly as I walk away.  
  
I'm sitting in a bar now, and the bartender's starting to be a little less quick about handing over the drinks. I suppose that means I've had too much, and I think of you, wondering why I can't seem to keep you out of my head. Then I realize that it's because I still love you, even if I try to convince myself not to, to let you live your life happily with a man more worthy of you, somebody like Harry. Damn these drinks, they just bring memories back faster, and now I'm imagining lying in bed with you, arms wrapped around each other and simply just being in each other's company, like it's the only thing in this big wide world that we need.  
  
Tonight I'll stay in some random motel, and when I lie down your face will not leave my mind. I'll tell myself I'm saving you, and I'll ignore this pain in my chest, right where my heart is. And it's all because I still love you, and that no matter where I go or how hard I try, it won't go away.  
  
AN: What do you think? Hit the little review button and tell me! 


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